It is starting to feel a lot like Christmas around my house. You can cut the tension with a knife and the only people that seem to be happily oblivious are the kids. There’s no money yet again. No my dear hubby isn’t employed and I have been looking for work via the net since I can’t afford the gas to go looking in person. My dear hubby didn’t find it funny the other day when I went into a fit of near hysterical laughter over the state of our finances just the other day. There I was sitting at the desk and I couldn’t hold it back any longer. It was a case of laugh or cry and I chose the humor to the tears. The power had been shut off since we couldn’t afford to pay it and he had to call his mom to get her to pay it for us. That is/was our Christmas gift from her and her hubby or at least $100 of it was. The other $130 she wants back as soon as possible. I couldn’t afford a smoke unless you count digging in the ashtray for one. I ground up the last extra bar of bath soap with a cheese crater so that I could wash clothes and I have one last bar to wash the dishes with. No there are no gifts for the kids hidden in the closet. I didn’t get in this mess by over spending or the like. I just haven’t been able to go to work due to my health and my dear hubby just hasn’t been able to find anything anywhere. Don’t even ask me to touch that one with a ten foot pole. I can’t even get started on that today or I just might end up in jail.

   No things haven’t been any harder since Jackie and Justin moved in. To be honest they have made things so much easier for me. Jackie gives me someone to talk to and Justin gives my kids a much needed extra kid to play with. I have the need to have friends around me and Jackie I have known since I was barely out of diapers so she knows everything there is to know about me and doesn’t have to ask what I’m thinking most of the time. I love Justin as if he were my own and he certainly reminds me of Cody both good and bad so much that it’s scary. I’m hoping that they stay as long as it’s the best thing for both of them.

   For those that have been here before and know my oldest child, Cody, there is a new development for him. He has been diagnosed as being Bi-Polar with psychotic features and has had one hospital stay already. He wasn’t impressed and I can’t say that I was either. I don’t think that we will be doing that again in the future. I will sit on top of him at home if I have to. He has also told his idiot biological father to buzz off. No he didn’t say it that nicely. He actually took the phone outside and cussed him out so that I wouldn’t hear though I have told him more than once that when it came to Rob he was under no obligation to speak nicely to him. After what he put that child through there is no room for me to demand that he show him any respect. Cody has also really taken up studying Wicca. I’m sure this fact would make my in-laws skin crawl if he chose to tell them. I don’t see that happening though as he says he doesn’t want to hear them preach at him.

   Gabby, my eldest daughter, has blossomed into a beautiful little girl. She has attitude to spare but at the same time is loving and just a total doll. She started pre-k this year and loves it. Mean mom that I am I am loving the time with her out of the house during the day. Don’t get me wrong I do miss her but absence makes the heart grow fonder. She has learned a lot from her first school experience. I was in need of educating on several fronts and she has been more than willing to share her knowledge with me. Did you know that you can eat scabs? Yes that had the same nauseating effect on me. She has told me all sorts of interesting things like that. I just hope that she refrains from picking up any of the things that she obviously sees at school. She is also getting a wonderful education on the bible and assorted religious facts as known by the other 4 year olds. Evidently our family is going to burn in hell since we don’t attend church. Yet again I love the bible belt!

   My dearest baby, Matty, is turning into a little girl. I don’t like it one bit. She should still be the cute little baby that she was almost a year ago but I can’t hold back time. Her hair is still refusing to really grow in but she has lost so many of her baby features and speaks so clearly and so much it amazes me. To describe her personality all you need to do is look up the astrological sign Aries and there you have it. She’s tough as nails and has a mean streak. Once again I’m a horrible parent because I love that.

   So I myself haven’t been up to much really. I still have a habit of blacking out and hitting the floor for no reason and I haven’t been working. I have been sitting at home doing housework, chasing the kids, trying to loose weight and stressing out about money. I have been online sending out my resume to any company that is hiring but so far I’ve had no luck. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I find something soon. I will loose what little I have left of my mind if I don’t. I plan on getting around to saying hello to all my old friends on here. I hope you are all still about!

More ranting later!

Aidan